Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Rainy Weather Friend

I ran away from home again today.  Up the hill in a little pink hat that whispers, "Please don't run me over," to the rain soaked cars all trying to get somewhere on a grey day, rain day, Tuesday.  Drops drip down the sandwich board, a world of world-class tea.  I'm expecting the paint to run, but the water stays clear.

This corner is dreary in the winter, all grey and bricks.  The too light sky seems endless, reaching up and up forever while smothering with its weight.

You'll eventually grow up into yourself; that much I can promise you.

Rain really is my favorite.  I love everything about this weather: the sound, being inside while it's raining, being outside while it's raining, the smell, the cold.  I make up excuses to go walking, though none of my shoes are waterproof.  It makes me want to be by myself.  But most weather makes me want to be by myself.

I think that's what amazes me most about Jill.  We are near opposites (if Myers-Briggs is to be trusted) but I don't hesitate to call her my soul mate.  She is one of the only people I've come into contact with whom I never get tired of being around.  Even in my most hermit-like moments, it is lovely to be with her.  She is one of the ones I love so much that I'm not sure what I would do were she ever to get sick of me.  I know that I am more than blessed to have found a kindred soul such as hers.

Walking past Max's room, I know that the one thing I need in my future home, more than five hundred books, more than a cat, more than a partner, roommate, friend, is a piano.  Because I need something to drown out the screaming with beauty, to take cacophony and turn it to concertos.  Because beauty will save the world.

I am desperately waiting for you.
He had the distracted, insistent friendliness of one who has no time to re-establish intimacy; it must be taken as read.  -A Soldier's Embrace
I see this in my friendships and I hate it.  I'm scared that eventually all my relationships will look like this.  I am a friendship addict.  New friends are fun, but new friends eventually become friends, and friends aren't as fun.  So you get more new friends.  I'm that college student who throws away her dirty dishes and buys new ones instead of getting out the soap.

Today I walked around a city block in order to avoid a precious little stranger with a clipboard.  I already rejected him once with an easy lie that I was in a hurry (yeah, big rush to buy some vitamin C.  That needs to happen right this second) and I didn't want to walk back past him and face his judgment as he watched me mosey on into the Teacup.  So I walked around the block.  This is a story about the kind of person I am.  I'm not sure I like it.

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