Wednesday, April 29, 2009

On Free verse

I was sitting in Starbucks this afternoon, writing poetry of all things, watching the sun break through the clouds at points, just so utterly filled up with joy.

God has been good. He has provided so much for me this year, through unbelievable friendships, fulfilling times of worship and growth, and a desperate desire to dive into the Word. I am so excited for what my life has in store for the rest of this quarter, this summer, next year.

I haven't had this feeling for a really long time; I can't remember the last time hope and joy coincided. And it's lovely.

I could just sit curled in this papasan chair and revel in the fullness that seems to have grabbed me.

"No fear in life... This is the power of Christ in me."

And now the song that's been running beautifully through my head since yesterday morning at chapel:

If to distant lands I scatter,
If I sail to furthest seas,
Would you find and firm and gather
'Til I only dwell in Thee?

If I flee from greenest pastures
Would you leave to look for me?
Forfeit glory to come after
'Til I only dwell in Thee.

If my heart has one ambition,
If my soul one goal to seek,
This my solitary vision:
That I only dwell in Thee.
'Til I only dwell in Thee...

Monday, April 20, 2009

On Waiting

"I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit - just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call - one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all. But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift."
Ephesians 4:1-7

Create in me a clean heart, O my God,
And restore unto me the joy that You bring.
Cleanse me from sin, and renew me again,
And I'll tell of Your ways for all of my days.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

On Silence

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: ... a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war and a time for peace."
Ecclesiastes 3:1 & 7-8

"The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing."
Zepheniah 3:17

Some notes from yesterday:

I sometimes think, can't we just love each other?


It just blows my mind, the narrow and close-mindedness of so many people here, at my high school, in churches. Just... what the fuck, guys? Yes, the Bible has some great verses to back you up, but what about Romans 2? Or Matthew 7? Stop picking and choosing you verses.

I know, God; I'm ignoring a lot, but I just get so frustrated with this idea. If you love us all, how can there be condemnation? I mean, I hope I have some semblance of a grasp on how we deserve hell so vastly and completely. And contrary to all of that, You offer grace and Your perfect Son. But how, God-

Ok. I understand. I need to stop questioning Your goodness, because that is stable. I am wrong. I don't know why, and I'm not sure how to change my belief, but I know that You are good.

I need to make my issue with those around me, not with You. And I need You're redeeming love and grace I cannot understand in order to have a Spirit of love toward them, instead of anger, frustration, bitterness.

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."
John 13:34

If we hold tightly to this, and this only, then can we possibly hope to grasp some sense of peace, some unity with others so that they do not despise us and, by extension, despise Jesus.

But I leave the rest with You. Only You can understand us fully. You know our hearts to their very depths.

Gift us a spirit of love, so that we may give Your love to everyone, and not hoard it in a spirit of greediness among ourselves.

God, I cannot find that line in between love and tolerance. I cannot see where love and judgement and condemnation dwell together in the same life in a way that reflects You. Lord, I'm not striving for perfection, but for something off of which I can base my life.

I am overwhelmed by all that You are. I know not what I am to be seeking, nor if I am living as I ought. You have shaken my world to its core. I just... I thought I was doing so well, growing in your love, grasping how to live in a way that reflects You as best as my flawed soul can. But now...

"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
1 Thessalonians 4:11

Thursday, April 9, 2009

On Ingredients to Lift a Broken Soul

  • Get out of class early.
  • Coffee.
  • Walk to the canal.
  • Sit on a bench, preferably one that rocks.
  • Be still (and know).
  • The ducks will come. They always know when you need them.
  • Talk to the ducks.
  • Talk to God.
  • The sun will then burst through the clouds.
  • Smile.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

On Regret


Life goals:
  • Love Jesus
  • Love people
I feel so sad. All I want to do is love; hurting people is so saddening to me.
How can it be, as I'm just chilling here living, desperately seeking God, that opportunities to hurt others just arise, unavoidable.
Sad face; I see that, and know it is my fault.
Why do we have such capacity to break one another?
I just wanted to love. I'm sorry that it hurt you...
"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."
Psalm 42:11