These past months... I don't think I have the words. Discouragement, uncertainty, shock, accusations, hurt, tears, sleeplessness, silence, heartbreak...
But also peace, certainty, trust, contentment, communication, laughter, understanding, and healing.
I'm slowly learning how to live by being shown how not to live. By being led patiently by the hand by a loving Father. By being taught that I can't expect others to love well, how none of us can love well, because our own selfish desires get in the way. But He forgives, and holds, and heals.
I have nothing but peace from my God. I beg to continue to be broken down (why stop when we're on such a roll) that nothing would be mine: that it would all be His.
And He provides. In the moments when those who were supposed to love me most ripped themselves violently away, He never left.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30
With sitting in a green round chair with the wind playng songs among pictures pinned to blue fabric, eyes tracing words of genius in an extraordinary novel.
With sitting at a counter, eating a snickerdoodle and drinking hot cocoa at a local bakery and learning about old age while humming along to the Rent soundtrack.
With watching episodes of Glee with two dear friends on a scary floor.