Thursday, March 4, 2010

On Headaches

On Tuesday, I got the idea for a new piece [of yet undecided length] titled BELL CURVE, or the Normal Variance of Emotion Experienced by Any Given Congregation in Any Given Worship Event on Any Given Day.  Sometimes, I really like subtitles.

I want to follow five people, see what their lives are like for a little while, and see why their emotions are as they are in a chapel service on, let's say, a Tuesday morning.  The five variants:  Ecstatic, joyful, indifferent, prayerful, inconsolable.

And then about a minute and a half ago, I came to the realization that I experienced the two extreme ends of my bell curve, only one day apart from one another.  How is this even possible?

On Tuesday, in chapel, blown away by Suzzane Wolfe, adoring the worship, praising God for the sun, for the happiness welling up in my heart; unable to stay still in the peace radiating throughout my life.  What joy!  What blessing!

On Wednesday, crumpled on the carpet of Upper Gwinn, unable to fathom the unique ability I have to hurt others without trying; ceaselessly apologizing to God, unable to do anything at all to alleviate this situation.  What confusion.  What utter sorrow.

Silly writing, being able to predict things that will happen in my life.  Stop that.

Here's an excerpt:
You've never woken up screaming before.  You've woken up abruptly, so many times I've lost count [I don't know if you know that I know this, but I do].  Sitting up with a gasp, the movement of your lofted bed shakes mine down below.  I never know if I should say something ["Hey man, you ok?"], so I pretend to just still be asleep.  But I hear you crying sometimes after these episodes of jolting out of sleep.  But you've never woken up screaming before.  This is different.  You're scaring me.  Are you ok?

1 comment:

  1. oh my gosh. it's crazy how prophetic your writing can be. and also, i have a crap load of your writing to read this summer. i, can't, wait. :)