Saturday, January 8, 2011

I feel infinite

Two completely unrelated things.


Sometimes I am surprised at the unquenchable urge I have to run away from everything, if only for a few hours.  I want to be surrounded by strangers who don't care if I'm me or I'm not, who are not hard to love.  This probably stems from laziness, from my own pettiness that is always leading to annoyance with those aound me.  Because it's easier to imediately love or hate someone new than to sustain a faithful relationship over years once you start to know someone and they think they know you.

It's funny, isn't it, the way we see ourselves in regards to other people?  Because while everyone else is a bottomless pit of "oh my god, will you please stop doing that," we are this shining beacon of all that is beautiful (and never obnoxious at all) in the world.  If only the rest of humanity could be as gifted, such a blessing, as we are.  Wouldn't the earth be such a lovely place to dwell?

Silly and false, I know.  If I interacted with other people who were only like me, some serious shit would go down.  It would be so awful.  I just need to work on being more patient, and not mutter Spanish or obscenities under my breath whenever I'm annoyed by someone close to me.  Because I do have the ability to up and get over myself and actually love people.  I promise.  But sometimes it's easier (and more fun) to be a small person and dwell on how great it all would be were everyone to just take notes and attempt to live exactly as I do.


I finished reading The Perks of being a Wallflower last night just before we went over to celebrate Candice's birthday.  It was amazing.  It's one of those books that I wish I had written.  Charlie is such a lovable, unique, real character.  There is so much weight and worth in his story.
So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons.  And maybe we'll never know most of them.  But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we will go from there.  We can still do things.  And we can try to feel okay about them.

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