On Silence

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: ... a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war and a time for peace."
Ecclesiastes 3:1 & 7-8

"The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing."
Zepheniah 3:17

Some notes from yesterday:

I sometimes think, can't we just love each other?

[...]

It just blows my mind, the narrow and close-mindedness of so many people here, at my high school, in churches. Just... what the fuck, guys? Yes, the Bible has some great verses to back you up, but what about Romans 2? Or Matthew 7? Stop picking and choosing you verses.

I know, God; I'm ignoring a lot, but I just get so frustrated with this idea. If you love us all, how can there be condemnation? I mean, I hope I have some semblance of a grasp on how we deserve hell so vastly and completely. And contrary to all of that, You offer grace and Your perfect Son. But how, God-

Ok. I understand. I need to stop questioning Your goodness, because that is stable. I am wrong. I don't know why, and I'm not sure how to change my belief, but I know that You are good.

I need to make my issue with those around me, not with You. And I need You're redeeming love and grace I cannot understand in order to have a Spirit of love toward them, instead of anger, frustration, bitterness.

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."
John 13:34

If we hold tightly to this, and this only, then can we possibly hope to grasp some sense of peace, some unity with others so that they do not despise us and, by extension, despise Jesus.

But I leave the rest with You. Only You can understand us fully. You know our hearts to their very depths.

Gift us a spirit of love, so that we may give Your love to everyone, and not hoard it in a spirit of greediness among ourselves.

God, I cannot find that line in between love and tolerance. I cannot see where love and judgement and condemnation dwell together in the same life in a way that reflects You. Lord, I'm not striving for perfection, but for something off of which I can base my life.

I am overwhelmed by all that You are. I know not what I am to be seeking, nor if I am living as I ought. You have shaken my world to its core. I just... I thought I was doing so well, growing in your love, grasping how to live in a way that reflects You as best as my flawed soul can. But now...

"Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
1 Thessalonians 4:11