1 John 4:8

Slumped in the dark, talking to God
[Talking to myself]. I just ask
Questions –
Broad, open ended wonderings.
Unanswerable. Or unanswered?
Coming to terms with how
Broken
This year left me – that ten days of
Sea breezes didn’t heal everything.
Turning the psychoanalysis inward,
Realizing it comes down to
This:

“It felt like this empty word that you just
Threw around with no meaning behind it.”

The whole point of my life crumpled,
Flung to the side, an utter failure.
Fuck.
Words written in January caused a crippling
Doubt; walls went up instead of bridges.
Don’t you understand:
I’ve no idea where I should go,
What I should do.

Will you answer me already?
Will you take this self-destructive
Blame?
Will you help me to forgive, to heal,
To know worth?

God [whom I can’t call father] –
If you are not love then nothing
Matters anymore.

"It makes a difference, doesn't it, whether we fence ourselves in, or whether we are fenced out by the barriers of others."  -E.M. Forster