Note to Self

On Wednesday, my beloved PA handed me a folded half sheet of pink cardstock with "Anna" written on the outside.  "Your note from yourself," she reminded me as I opened it.  I read it silently to myself while standing in my empty but full room (empty of possessions, but full of Holly, Jill, Candice, Paul, Lauren, Sarah, and my mom).  I almost cried as I read these words, as I thought about how my fears had come true, but God remained the same.  He is so good.

10/8/09
Hi friend,

This one time, it was fall quarter of sophomore year.  Amazing.  Things are full of love: living with Holly is an absolute joy, time on the floor is full of laughter, and being with Ben... makes me smile more than most other things.  And I want to hang out with Jesus always.  Times are so busy and the swine flu is near and I'm scared about being able to balance everything.  I'm worried that things will start collapsing, I'm scared I won't still be with Ben, I'm anxious that living with Holly won't stay the perfection it's been.

But, God is good.  And I know He is holding me and loves me more than anyone ever could.  And it is my desperate hope that my love for Him and for everyone around me does nothing but increase this year.

Please, Lord, hold us through it all.  Allow us a glance of Your goodness, help us grow in your love, let us be striving toward your will.  Always.

Love,
Anna

Postscript: Hopefully Holly and I get nicer.

I don't remember why Holly and I needed to be nicer, and I'd forgotten about the obsession over swine flu that was the beginning of this year.  It's too funny to think about the passage of time, and how much things have changed since a year ago, since nine months ago, since six months ago.  Too funny, too odd.

Now it's the summer, and it feels like a weekend.  I keep being gripped by the terror that I've forgotten to work on my paper, or missed a quiz deadline, or should be reading all the time.  But there's nothing to do.  I can't fully process that in three days I'll be on a plane above the Atlantic.

I feel like I'm in shock.  I'm just trying to sleep, get over the sick that decided to attack me on Wednesday, and breathe for a few days before the pilgramage.  I'm just trying to recover.  To keep living.

This year... novels will be written about it.  Literally.

Love.