On Provision

Life has sufficiently run me into the ground.

These past months... I don't think I have the words.  Discouragement, uncertainty, shock, accusations, hurt, tears, sleeplessness, silence, heartbreak...

But also peace, certainty, trust, contentment, communication, laughter, understanding, and healing.

I'm slowly learning how to live by being shown how not to live.  By being led patiently by the hand by a loving Father.  By being taught that I can't expect others to love well, how none of us can love well, because our own selfish desires get in the way.  But He forgives, and holds, and heals.

I have nothing but peace from my God.  I beg to continue to be broken down (why stop when we're on such a roll) that nothing would be mine: that it would all be His.

And He provides.  In the moments when those who were supposed to love me most ripped themselves violently away, He never left.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."  Matthew 11:28-30

Yes, He provides:

With much needed talks with my old roommate while sitting in wooden chairs outside an independent coffee shop whilst eating pie in the early spring sunshine, sharing our struggles and heart breaks and hopes.

With walking onto a familiar floor and having a dear friend recognize me just by laughter.

With sitting in a green round chair with the wind playng songs among pictures pinned to blue fabric, eyes tracing words of genius in an extraordinary novel.

With sitting at a counter, eating a snickerdoodle and drinking hot cocoa at a local bakery and learning about old age while humming along to the Rent soundtrack.

With watching episodes of Glee with two dear friends on a scary floor.

With eating leftover Mexican food and remembering all the fun of Friday night, including Dave's children, the Original Squeeze, and the train going into the tunnel (I love you guys).

With being the opposite of productive for what I'm sure was several hours.

With yelling, "We'll miss you," eating cookies and complaining of a cat-like bacon stench.

With watching X-Men with two of my favorites.

With sitting on the floor of my room, listening to Coldplay, running my fingers through Jill's hair again and again.

With Sunday Funday.

With walks in solitude.

Thank You for not abandoning me, even when all else fails.

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."  Hebrews 13:8